Monday, February 19, 2018

Because of You...

A couple of weeks ago, we had an inspirational speaker come to my workplace to speak with all our staff. Very humble and genuine man that has had so much experience working and helping at-risk youth and communities here is Southern California. What he discussed resonated with everyone on a professional level and then he started started talking about something that completely resonated with me, on a personal level as a mom. He explained that when he was growing up, when he would tell his mother Thank you, her response would be along the lines of, " Okage Sama (SP)" meaning "because of you" or "thanks to you, " in Japanese. This resonated so much with me because, our oldest, Noah, is now five years old. Every time he has said, "Thank you, Mama," my response has always been, "of course," ending the response in my head, "its because of you and your brother." As a mother, everything you do is because of your child or children, as a loss mother, everything you do is because you are living for your child that was not able to. Thinking about this has me in tears, for the rest of my life, this life, my heart will always be split in two (half of it missing), the before and after, with my son on earth and son in my heart, living this life doing my best because of them, to give one the life he deserves and and the other the life, adventures and memories he deserved. Noah and Jesse, it will always be because of you. I love you so and I miss you so...


Time



I have not posted on here in a while. That is not to say I haven't written on paper or had thoughts in my mind that just didn't make it on here or in my journal. I started this blog to talk about Jesse, grief, and our hope journey after loss. I wish I had not neglected it for this long, especially since it helps me practice articulating (which I am not the best at) how I am feeling and share it with others that may be feeling the same way, and hopefully help them too. Less and less people ask, almost three years in and maybe others do expect me to be "ok," not sure. What hurts is not being asked about Jesse, ever. I believe every loss mom agrees, hearing our babies name, acknowledging them is the best gift, not avoiding bringing them up because we will be in tears, why wouldn't we be? we miss them and yearn to talk about them, he isn't a painful memory, we love him and were blessed with him, even if it was for an incredibly short time. If you have a friend that has lost a baby, take time the time often to mention their name to them, ask them about their baby, encourage them to tell their story and mean it.If you have lost a baby, I am so sorry, your baby is loved, missed and remembered along with my Jesse and I pray there is a day that we all get to see our babies again.


Sunday, May 7, 2017

International Bereaved Mother's Day

My heart is with all mothers aching and missing their children. Today is for all us grieving mamas that every day grieve for our babies not in our arms. I wish we didn't have to celebrate today, that our babies were not just in our hearts and that we did not know this heart ache. If you know someone that is a loss mom, let them know you are thinking of them and their baby. They are a mother and their baby is theirs, forever.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

2nd Annual Our Little j Comfort Packages

Last year on Jesse's 1st Birthday, we donated 25 Comfort Packages to the Kaiser Kraemer hospital where he was born. We are so thankful to everyone that helped make that possible! I am starting to prepare for this years donations that will be made on Jesse's 2nd Birthday on June 23, 2017. Our goal is to donate more than 25 Comfort Packages to donate to Kaiser Kraemer and Kaiser Irvine that requested these packages for their patients as well. We want to do our best to donate as many as we can to help other parents that will unfortunately experience this very tragic and traumatic loss, so they feel supported, not alone and given this package before leaving the hospital, that will hopefully bring some comfort to them through their grief and honor their babies as well. Last year we used GoFund me to accept donations. This year we made an Amazon wish list and are accepting donation through Venmo (Links Below). We want to make sure that every single penny is used towards all the times to put these packages together, we will also be making our own personal contribution to put together these packages as we did last year. Our hurting hearts are happy to continue our son's legacy as we continue to grieve our baby. I honestly wish I had my son and was not doing things in his memory, instead doing things with him in my arms. It means so much for us to have everyone's support in keeping Jesse's memory alive by helping others. If anyone is able to donate, I have attached two links before where you are able to make a contribution.


Amazon Wishlist: Comfort Packages Items
List of some items that are included in the Comfort Packages and can be directly mailed to us.
 
Venmo Donations Option: Celina Barajas-Madrigal/OurLittlej
By searching my name, you can make a donation to  this Remembrance Project.

Donations can also be mailed, please contact us for mailing address at OurLittlej2015@gmail.com

With so much love,

Celina & Jesse and Big Brother Noah

Our Little j 2016 Adventures


We honor Jesse's life by making memories for him, as we wrote on our pregnancy announcements, "Twice the adventures...," we will honor that promise, because he did not get the chance to and continue making adventures for our sweet little boy. I hope he is always with us and knows how much we love him and dearly miss him. Below is a compilation of some of all the pictures taken last year, memories made for him. The song, "I'll be seeing you" by Billie Holiday was on our wedding music cd, now it means so much for our second son. We love you and miss you.

 


Lyrics
I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day and through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children's carousel
The chestnut trees
The wishing well

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's night and day
I'll always think of you that way

I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's night and day
I'll always think of you that way

I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you





The many ways Our Little jesse was honored by others in 2016

We are forever grateful for everyone  and anyone that has said our babies name, thought of him, asked about him and remembered & honored him in any way. He is our second son, part of our family of four, always. Thank you so much to everyone's love in 2016 and recently. We look forward to the many more adventures and sweet thoughts and gestures he will be part of this year and always.





We are forever grateful for everyone  and anyone that has said our babies name, thought  of him and remembered and honored him in any way. He is our second son, our family of four, always. Thank you so much to everyone's love in 2016 and recently. We look forward to the many more adventures and sweet thoughts and gestures he will be part of this year and always.