Because of You...

A couple of weeks ago, we had an inspirational speaker come to my workplace to speak with all our staff. Very humble and genuine man that has had so much experience working and helping at-risk youth and communities here is Southern California. What he discussed resonated with everyone on a professional level and then he started started talking about something that completely resonated with me, on a personal level as a mom. He explained that when he was growing up, when he would tell his mother Thank you, her response would be along the lines of, " Okage Sama (SP)" meaning "because of you" or "thanks to you, " in Japanese. This resonated so much with me because, our oldest, Noah, is now five years old. Every time he has said, "Thank you, Mama," my response has always been, "of course," ending the response in my head, "its because of you and your brother." As a mother, everything you do is because of your child or children, as a loss mother, everything you do is because you are living for your child that was not able to. Thinking about this has me in tears, for the rest of my life, this life, my heart will always be split in two (half of it missing), the before and after, with my son on earth and son in my heart, living this life doing my best because of them, to give one the life he deserves and and the other the life, adventures and memories he deserved. Noah and Jesse, it will always be because of you. I love you so and I miss you so...