Mother's Day with my baby in Heaven and toddler on Earth.

(Late Post)

Dear Baby Jesse,

Last year on Mother's Day you were in my womb. Growing and starting to wiggle in a couple of kicks. I was full of joy last year with your big brother in my arms and feeling smitten to become a mother of two (Didn't know you were a boy yet which makes it bittersweet, being a mother of boys has always sounded sweet to me) with big hopes to continue growing our family and build memories together.Your daddy and I have always dreamed of having a big family and we were so happy to be blessed with you, we wanted you, still do and always will.
 

We visited the fountain at the hospital where you were born on the morning of Mother's Day. A little hummingbird kept fluttering around us and would return to the same branch on this tree next to us.

This year you were supposed be here and my heart and arms ache for you. You would have been 6 months, one of my favorite stages of a baby as they get chubby and curious. My heart was full holding your big brother here on earth but also felt heavy and empty because I was not holding you. Mother's Day was a very sad day for me, the days leading up to it gave me anxiety and triggers were more and more difficult. I found out there was a Bereaved Mothers Day the Sunday before, a club nobody chooses to be part of but this is my life now. My heart breaks for all us grieving mammas, they have become a great support system, I hope every one of them was surrounded with love that day and you and all their babies and children surrounding us in spirit.

This birdie tattoo first started with your daddy and I, then we added your big brother after he was born and now for Mother's Day, you became a part of my family tattoo and me again, my sweet little angel baby bird.

I love you Jesse, every breath I take on earth will be to live for you. I carried you, felt you alive and gave birth to you and will love you for the rest of my life. I will always be your mamma and you will always be my son. Thank you for making me a mother of two boys, I miss you dearly.