June 23, 2015

The last time I saw and held you...

Happy first birthday in heaven, our sweet baby Jesse

June 23, 2016

Happy Birthday to Our Little j. Mamma, Daddy, big brother and everyone miss and love you. I am wishing you the sweetest and happiest celebration in heaven. I will continue to celebrate, honor your life and make memories for you for the rest of my life. The Sunshine, clouds, stars, mountains and the ocean remind us of you. We saw it fitting to celebrate your life by taking you and your big brother on a road trip to see what we always hoped for with our two wittle adventurous boys.

Kaiser Kraemer L&D Staff

The morning of your birthday were sweetly greeted by the L&D staff when we came up to drop of the comfort packages in your honor and memory to help other families. It was such a difficult walk up for us. The last time we were there was the last time we saw and held you and we had such heavy hearts being there. In a way I was glad that we were able enter all the way, although it was incredibly difficult, that is where we spent time with you. Any connection to you I feel so protective of and felt that yearning to be anywhere where we had been with you, specially where we last held and kissed you.

You are incredibly missed and loved. Celebrating your life when you are not here is so heartbreaking but I hope you had the cutest little birthday, feeling all the love from everyone thinking of you on your birthday. 

Mamma and Daddy love you and miss you so much. Big Brother sang to you and sends you all his love.

Big Brother Noah entering L&D alongside Kaiser SW with some comfort packages

Father's Day

My husband is also grieving the loss of his baby boy, sometimes in his own way, I believe as many other fathers do and they hurt as much as we do. He was excited and started planning for his second baby. Two weeks before our baby passed, he was eagerly assembling Noah's toddler bed so that the crib could be organized in our room for baby Jesse. He heard the same news I did, was told his child did not have a heartbeat and he sobbed as he watched his son be born still. I remember when Noah was born and I looked up at him as he also stood on my left full of tears of joy. It breaks my heart that he did not have the same experience. He will always love and miss his baby. I saw the love and heartbreak he had for his baby the minute he held him and broke down, the love he still has for both of his sons and he will always be doing his best to honor his son in heaven.This Father's Day was difficult for him as all of them will be forever.

A Guide For Fathers

I purchased the pocketbook above for my husband soon after losing our baby. He felt it was helpful and could relate to the Authors personal experience and feelings and keeps it handy in his truck.

Comfort Packages

 

All items were gathered with love and care in mind and we hope they provide some comfort for parents experiencing this heartbreaking loss . We wish we would have received something like this when we lost our baby boy and left the hospital and felt it was important for us help other grieving parents in honor of Our Baby Jesse. Below are the description of each item:

1.       White Candle
2.       White Ribbon
3.       Recognition of Life Certificate
4.       Board Book; "Wherever You Are my love will find you" By Nancy Tillman:
5.       Book; "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby" By Deborah L. Davis (There is also a helpful chapter for fathers.)
6.       Journal & Pen
7.       White Shadow Box Frame
8.       Pocket Kleenex (2)
9.       Traditional Medicinals Organic Cup of Calm Tea (3)
10.    Little Wooden Butterfly
11.    Knitted Keepsake Lovie (Handmade by Nana)
12.    “A Gift from Heaven” Printed Poem
13.    Wood Chalkboard Plaque w/ chalk
15.    Single White Balloon

All these items are stored in the 14.1" x 14.3" x 3.1" clear container, where they can continue safely storing any keepsakes of their little ones and we have included a personalized letter signed by my husband, big brother and myself.

Having sleepless nights making sure these comfort packages are put together and ready for the 23rd... Oh how much we wish we were having those sleepless nights with our baby...As I complete each one and add the seal on the packages that read, "Donated in Honor of Our Little J" I get so emotional and feel he is right here with us helping as my little partner...Us providing some comfort to parents and our Angel Jesse with their little ones. We are so grateful for the support to have been able put these together.